Lawyers FAQ

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips move

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an I. Q. of 50?
A: Your honour.

Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.

Q: When lawyers die, why are they buried in a hole 24 feet deep?
A: Because deep down, they are all nice guys

Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of crap?
A: a bucket

Q: What is the difference between God and a lawyer?
A: God doesn't think he's a lawyer.

Q: What does a lawyer and a sperm have in common?
A: Both have about a one in 3 million chance of becoming a human being.

Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
A: A gigolo only screws one person at a time.

Q: What do lawyers use as contraceptives?
A: Their personalities.

And more stories

Why can't lawyers take Viagra?

They just get taller!

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What's the difference between a dead armadillo in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

The armadillo has skid marks in front of it!

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A dad walks into a market followed by his ten-year-old son. The kid is spinning a quarter in the air and catching it between his teeth. As they walk through the market someone bumps into the boy at just the wrong moment and the coin goes straight into his mouth and lodges in his throat.

He immediately starts choking, going blue in the face, and Dad starts panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed middle-aged, moderately attractive but serious woman in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading her newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds her newspaper and places it on the counter. Then she gets up from her seat and makes her unhurried way across the market.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully takes hold of the boy's testicles and squeezes gently at first and then ever more firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill-effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts effusively thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before-it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"

"Good heavens, no," the woman replies. "I am a Divorce Attorney."

Really bad news

"Do you want to hear the bad news first," the attorney asked, "or the really bad news?"

"Give me the bad news first," the man said.

"Your wife found a picture worth half a million dollars."

"If that's the bad news," the fellow said, "I can't wait to hear the really bad news!"

"The really bad news is that it's a picture of you and your secretary."

Some fun pics about lawyers

I hate lawyers!

The more I live, the I am more convinced:
All lawyers are liars!
Did you ever saw the fair lawyer? Though one?
Lawyers think only of own profit, about the money.
Lawyers never think of other people.
In this blog I shall tell the truth about lawyers and about their black concience.
Remember: All lawyers are liars!